Below are three translations of Kiki's Delivery Service followed by my commentary.
The first translation is Kadono, Eiko. Kiki's Delivery Service. Translated by Lynne E. Riggs. Annick Press, 2003.
The second translation is Kadono, Eiko. Kiki's Delivery Service. Translated by Emily Balistrieri. Random House Children's Books, 2021.
The third translation is my beginner attempt at a very literal translation, preserving as much of the original Japanese as possible.
Overall, I recommend Balistrieri's translation over Riggs's. Balistrieri's is far more faithful to the original. The cover of Balistrieri's is also much improved over Riggs's, though both lack the charm of the original.
- Chapter 1 - お話のはじまり
- Bells in the Treetops
- The Beginning of the Story
- The Story's Beginning
- (The translation of the chapter title already indicates that the Riggs's translation is not going to be faithful to the original language.)
- あるところに、深い 森となだらかな 草山にはさまれて 、小さな町がありました。この町は南へゆっくり さがる 坂 の町で 、こげた パンのような色の小さな屋根 がならんで います。
- Between the deep forest and the gentle, green hills was a town with roofs the color of toasted bread.
- Once, there was a little town sandwiched between a deep forest and gentle grassy hills. The town was built on an easy southward slope, its roofs the color of dark slices of toast all in a row.
- In a place, sandwiched between a dense forest and a gently sloping grassy hill, there was a small town. This town, ___, small roofs colored like burnt bread stand in a line.
- (Riggs leaves out the detail about where the town was built. I have left this detail untranslated because I cannot parse the Japanese even with a faithful translation to reference.)
- そして、町のほぼ まん中 には駅、ちょっとはなれた ところにはかたまって 、役所 、警察署 、消防署 、学校があります。
- It had a train station, a town hall, a police station, a fire station, and a school.
- Clustered in the center of town, near the train station, were the town hall, the police station, the fire station, and the school.
- And, near the center of town is a train station, and not far from there the city hall, police station, fire station, and school.
- (Balistrieri subtly alters the directional descriptions. Riggs leaves out any directional detail.)
- この町は、どこにでも あるふつう の町のよう です。ところが 、すこし気をつけて見ると、ふつうの町ではあまり見られないものがあるのです。
- It could have been a little town anywhere, and yet, when you looked very carefully, you could see something that wasn't ordinary at all.
- It was a normal town, one you could find anywhere. But if you paid close attention, you'd find things you wouldn't usually see.
- This town is an anywhere-existing normal-looking town. However, be a little careful looking, for there are things you cannot see very much of in a normal town.
- (Riggs doesn't leave any information out, but she does add without any textual basis that it was a "little" town.)
- その一つは、町の高い木という木のてっぺん にぶらさがっている 銀 色の鈴 です。
- Silver bells hung from the tops of the tallest trees in the town.
- For instance, silver bells hung from the tops of tall trees.
- One such thing is that silver bells hang from the tops of the town’s tall trees.
- この鈴は、嵐でもないのときどき大きいな音をだすことがあるのです。
- Once in a while these bells rang merrily though there was not the slightest wind.
- Even when it wasn't storming, these bells sometimes made a racket with their ringing.
- These bells, even without a storm, would sometimes make a noise.
- すると町の人たちは顔を「おや、おや、またちっちゃなキキが足をひっかけたね」